Pennsylvania's Premier Avian Chaos Agent
He's 35. He's an Umbrella Cockatoo. He provides highly aggressive, unsolicited document destruction services, conducts rigorous structural assessments of local hardwood, and wears bespoke handcrafted jewelry better than you do. He is less of a pet and more of a heavily opinionated lifestyle.
Investigate FurtherA completely unbiased behavioral analysis.
Photographic evidence of ongoing operations.
Dispatches from a bird who knows he's in charge.
The humans lack the required beak strength to properly dismantle the household fixtures. I have acquired a tool. Prepare for structural sabotage.
They attached secondary optical sensors to my cranium thinking it was amusing. Fools. I can now perceive the fourth dimension and all of their sins.
A delivery arrived. It smelled of cheese and submission. I have claimed the perimeter cardboard and initiated rigorous taxation on the pineapple slices.
They attempted to transport me in the metal rolling box. I brought the Giant Red Bell to ensure the driver remains highly agitated at all times.
I climbed to the highest peak to ensure the valley below was adequately intimidated. It was. Everything the light touches is my jurisdiction.
Approached the commercial hydration window. The human inside immediately surrendered the premium water. My influence continues to grow unchecked.
The humans spent hours painstakingly connecting these tiny cardboard fragments. I have arrived to forcibly redistribute them. You're welcome.
I ventured out today. I found a log. I stared at it, then shredded it with the focused intensity of a professional. The log no longer exists. A productive afternoon.